January 2012
3 posts
December 2011
10 posts
MY TOP TEN GOOGLE SEARCHES OF 2011
My friend LEE had the good idea of sharing his top ten web searches of 2011 and I’ve decided to copy that idea. Because who doesn’t like to see what other people search? And you’d think that some of these I’d only have to search once and I’d have my answer, but I drink A LOT and forget A LOT. So shut up.
*Eel Porn
*Naughty eel porn
*what does it mean if you like...
140 Underrated Tweeters
tracymarquez:
Every end of the year Twitter list of “who to follow” always includes every person we already follow. So I decided to take it upon myself to make a list of 140 underrated, super funny tweeters with less than 20,000 followers. Enjoy. Follow. Share. And don’t suck dick for money.
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you’re sweet. and also underrated.
My Occupy LA Arrest by Patrick Meighan
Well, this made me cry.
darcibastiaan:
My name is Patrick Meighan, and I’m a husband, a father, a writer on the Fox animated sitcom “Family Guy”, and a member of the Unitarian Universalist Community Church of Santa Monica.
I was arrested at about 1 a.m. Wednesday morning with 291 other people at Occupy LA. I was sitting in City Hall Park with a pillow, a blanket, and a copy of Thich Nhat...
QUICK, KELSY. WRITE DOWN THOUGHTS ON MOVIE YOU'RE...
I’m watching the most incredible movie. Its a REAL movie from 2009 called Finding Bliss. It stars Leelee Sobieseskii and Denise Richard and its an incredible real movie.
Listen: So its about Leelee working as a porn editor. But she’s totally not a porn person!!!! She’s a serious filmmaker!!! And she wrote this movie but nobody will make it probably because its fucking garbage....
November 2011
2 posts
September 2011
4 posts
Moneyball!
Last night I saw the movie documentary Moneyball about a man named Billy Beane and a sport named moneyball (formerly known as baseball) I’ve heard quite a few of sports folk say they hate Billy Beane and I can’t figure out why. I got the impression he was pretty smart. He listened to this fat guy about how to change baseball to a ball about money and got the A’s a shitload of...
Anarchy & Scotch: Troy Davis is dead. →
anarchyandscotch:
About 40 minutes ago, he was executed by lethal injection.
As I have mentioned before, I am staunchly opposed to the death penalty. For many reasons. None of them have anything to do with sympathy for those convicted of capital crimes. I have debated writing a lengthy post about my opinions on…
August 2011
6 posts
Watch“Perfect” is a very silly thing i made with Brady Novak. Eric Acosta and Demorge Brown were in it and were funny. I dontknow I likeit goodenough.
1 tag
Sorry Iris
It’s insane to me that people are taking that shitty Photoshop of the Tampax website seriously. I wasn’t out to trick people. I thought this was so obviously a joke. I didn’t think the post needed a disclaimer. “THIS IS FAKE! I PHOTOSHOPPED IT FOR A JOKE! NOT REAL! JOKING! EVERYTHING ON MY BLOG IS NONSENSE! IF THIS WERE REAL ID PROBABLY POSTED A LINK ALONG WITH THE...
July 2011
3 posts
Husband and Wife Eating at Denny's.
Husband: Wow! This sandwich tastes almost as delicious as a sourdough dick.
Wife: Lance! What a horrible expression.
Husband: Its not an expression, Louise. I really think this sandwich tastes almost as delicious as a sourdough dick. I've had a lot of sourdough dicks in my mouth. I'm one hundred percent serious.
Wife: What's a sourdough dick?
Husband: It's a dick, Louise. A penis. From a man.
Wife: What are you telling me? You're gay?
Husband: I'm not gay. And I haven't had a sourdough dick since we married. I do miss them though. I could've sworn we talked about this before.
Wife: No! Never! This is the first time you've mentioned sucking a dick.
Husband: Whoa, whoa! I never have sucked a dick! I've just had them in my mouth. Sourdough dicks 'til dawn.
Wife: And why do you keep saying "sourdough dicks" ???
Husband: That's what they are.
Wife: I'm going to be sick.
Husband: Holy moly! That man's walking like 10 dogs. Look! Across the street there.
Wife: I'm married to a man who loves dicks in his mouth.
Husband: You're still going on about this?
Wife: Should we divorce?
Husband: What? No! You're my Little Miss Little Miss Little Miss Cant Be Wrong! Hey, just forget all about this sourdough dick thing, okay?
Wife: I guess I can try.
Husband: Trying won't cut it. I need you to sign these contracts saying you will absolutely forget about all this.
Wife: Oh. Alright. Do you have a pen?
Husband: I have 60 pens stashed throughout this Denny's. If you find three of them in under a minute, this dinner is on me. Ready... GO!
ah! i love hearing a familiar classic. i also...
June 2011
11 posts
"The Splinter of Waves"
Hey guys! Here’s my piece from the Clinton Community College magazine “Reflections”
Her small, bare feet were gray with dirt and pressed firmly on the cool, wood floor beneath the table. She sat in anticipation and Mr. Samuels prepared himself a cup of dark, hot coffee. Her blue-green eyes were fixated on the small, crisp, white stack of note cards in the middle of the...
Watchkelsyabbott:
Professor Pup’s History Without Error.
A cartoon I made with John Olsen for Channel 101. Watch it! It was fun! Thanks!
and thanks to Rob Schrab, Eric Falconer, and Drew Hancock.
i wanted to post this again.
Insane.
I’m not really afraid of dying. Or I am, but I’m really good at pushing the thought of dying out of my head. I am afraid, however, of losing my mind. Like schizophrenia really scares me. I know I’m not the only one, but lately I can’t stop thinking about it. Like, what if I’m not really typing this right now? What if I just think I am and I’m really in an alley...
talky talky talky
Its hard for me to have a conversation. Any kind of conversation with any kind of person. Small talk with strangers, giant talk with family, funny talk with friends. I usually blame the social anxiety I diagnosed myself with, but I think its time I place the blame somewhere else. Like my stupid mouth. I mumble . I mumble like (SEARCH GOOGLE: FAMOUS MUMBLERS). I also get extremely shy whenever I...
Watchleitepreto:
kelsy abbott…. for the Black Empowerment Network.
Sir! Sir! Sir! Go to Lagos!
demorge let me help with his show! The Black Empowerment Network presents “SAY BROTHER”
May 2011
8 posts
This is a real post
I’ve been feeling really shitty lately for being so bitter and mean on this internet. I don’t like it. I don’t like making fun of people and things. I don’t like that I’ve posted negative comments about TV shows. I just think when I’m not being productive and I feel shitty about myself its easy to complain and feel like I’m doing something.
I don’t...
I’m in Montreal right now. Its lovely. And I wish this post was about Montreal, but I haven’t been here too long and I don’t really have much. So instead I want to write about a sex dream I had last night with Kevin Kline. I have no idea why my brain chose Kevin Kline. I guess I thought he was cute in A Fish Called Wanda, but come on! He’s not even in the top 30 men I would...
Watchthis is the show i made for channel 101. at least its super short
April 2011
4 posts
It was 90 degrees that day, but I had to get out of my apartment. I decided to walk up the hill behind my apartment to the neighborhood of fancy rich-people. I like to walk around there in hopes some old millionaire will call to me from their front door and offer me a house sitting job at $500 a day.
I’m about twenty minutes into my walk when I see a little kid sitting against a fence...
elleyeah56 asked: If I got a tattoo dedicated to you, what should I get and where should I put it?
Watchtimlikeswaffless:
footlooseremake:
Our Footloose Remake
The full movie is now online in its entirety.
Watch this please!