I probably won't regret this.

I was born 52 minutes before my twin sister Kelly. I remember in the womb pushing her out of the way, holding her back with my feet so I could be born first. My older brother says that I’m a liar- that I couldn’t possibly remember doing that. What does he know? He’s not as smart as I am. I was stronger and smarter than Kelly. Always was, always would be. It wasn’t her fault, but I never let her forget that I was older and better than her. Then in the summer of 1992 it happened. It. My family and I were on some lame “Safari Adventure” in Springfield, Illinois. Basically, you drove around this fake jungle and got to look at some elderly lions and tigers. There might have been other animals, I don’t remember. I do remember, however, telling my brother’s friend the story of my birth where I pushed past Kelly and won the race of life. Before I had got to the part where I was smarter than her, Kelly screamed, “Oh shut up! What is your problem?” and stormed out of the car. Mother rolled down her window and yelled for Kelly to get back in. “What a dummy.” I thought. “Those security guards are going to arrest her!” Unfortunately, no security guards got to her before a lion did. We watched her get ripped apart for nearly 5 minutes before a man came with a shotgun and got the lion off her. Mom cried and cried. My brother cried. My brother’s friend cried. The security guards cried. I didn’t cry because it wasn’t my fucking fault. Survival of the fittest, bro. Survival of me.