I’m not really afraid of dying. Or I am, but I’m really good at pushing the thought of dying out of my head. I am afraid, however, of losing my mind. Like schizophrenia really scares me. I know I’m not the only one, but lately I can’t stop thinking about it. Like, what if I’m not really typing this right now? What if I just think I am and I’m really in an alley building a bridge for ants out of poop? And what if when I think I’m watching a Madea movie, I’m really making boreholes to check the condition of the ground under my ant bridge made of poop?? What if I just think I’m throwing rocks at the neighbor boy when I’m actually recording wind speeds and direction that might affect my ant poop bridge? UGHALDA So scary and horrible because I wouldn’t know. It would almost be as scary and horrible as an arch bridge being constructed without some form of jacking. Almost as scary, but not quite.

(sung) ♫ Almost as scary, but not quite! Almost as scary, but not quite! Almost as scary, but not quite! Everybody now!! Almost as scary, but not quite! Almost as scary, but not quite! Almost as scary, but not quite! Almost as scary, but not quite! ♫ OH MY GOD! Everyone! Please put your hands together for former American Idol contestant Joshua Brand!

*** former American Idol contestant Joshua Brand sang for 3 hours and everyone went home satisfied.